


Decisions

by WanderingBandurria



Series: ComfortMiniFest [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Auror Sirius Black, Banter, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Minor James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Personal Growth, Post-Hogwarts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:00:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26559358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WanderingBandurria/pseuds/WanderingBandurria
Summary: Sirius arrives home after a bad day at work.Remus is there to receive him.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: ComfortMiniFest [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1931170
Comments: 12
Kudos: 83





	Decisions

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So I’ve been writing for SwottyPotter's Wolfstar Comfort Minifest on Tumblr. This is for day 3: self-discovery.
> 
> Thanks to my beta, LikeABellThroughTheNight for the help with this. As always, it's amazing having your kind guidance at my side.
> 
> Still, English is not my first language and I love receiving feedback about it, so if you spot any mistake, please tell me! I made some editings on Tumblr and only after that I realized that Tumblr had cut off some words (ugh) so if there's anything that sounds weird, please let me know!
> 
> This fic is actually pretty fluffy and even though it deals with uncertainty, it’s a very domestic fic with all the calmness of that. There’s also some humour in it. I hope you enjoy it!

Sirius closes the door as carefully as he can, and that’s his first mistake - he should have slammed it, that would have surprised Remus less. So, before he has taken his jacket off, Remus is already there, looking at him with worried eyes.

“Is everything alright?” he asks so softly, that Sirius contemplates for a second shaking his head, burrowing his nose in Remus’ neck and not moving until the next week.

“Yeah - just a hard day,” Sirius says, swallowing the lump in his throat. Remus nods and comes closer, taking Sirius’ hand between his fingers, giving him space to decide what he wants to do.

So of course, Sirius leans forward and kisses him firmly and short, much too short. He regrets it immediately, so as Remus turns around, probably to go to put the kettle on, he throws his arms around his waist and pulls him back in, making Remus’ back crush against his chest.

Remus releases a breathy, startled laugh, and lets his head fall back on Sirius’ shoulder. Sirius groans and sinks his nose in the juncture of Remus’ shoulder and neck. Remus lets him stay there, breathing in and out for a while, while he pets his forearm softly, raising his other hand to tangle his fingers in Sirius’ hair.

“I hate my job,” Sirius mutters miserably against Remus’ neck. He knows Remus won’t judge him, but he still feels like a fraud, like a failure, like the shadow of his family is still too big in his life for him to be _properly_ good.

Remus hums softly, and it’s almost like he’s laughing - which he’s probably just barely resisting to do, so in retaliation, Sirius nibbles softly on his neck, turning the hum into a sigh and making Remus’ head fall further back onto his shoulder.

“Wanna tell me more about it?” Remus asks, breathless, and Sirius can _hear_ the smile on his face, but there’s still so much love and care in that voice, that Sirius feels something unloading off his chest, some of the weight of his fate falling from his shoulders.

Sirius smiles against Remus’ skin and shakes his head while leaving short kisses that make Remus sigh again. He pushes his hips closer to Remus, seeking his heat.

“Why don’t you tell me about your day?” he asks, biting softly on Remus’ ear.

Remus laughs openly at that.

“Really? There’s not much to tell, or, nothing much I can think about now. Not really fair to ask me about it _now_ ,” he says, pulling Sirius’ face back into his neck with his hand, pushing his weight more firmly onto Sirius’ chest. Sirius kisses his neck again, before resting his nose there, breathing in and out. 

“I really _do_ want to know, it’s just...” he trails off, and Remus’ fingers move from his hair to his ear, trailing carefully a finger over his earlobe before moving to his jaw.

“What do you need right now, love?” Remus asks gently, easily, his head still resting on Sirius' shoulder, but he crooks his neck to bump Sirius’ with his forehead.

Sirius closes his eyes firmly, taken by surprise by Remus’ question. Remus usually has an interpretation of what is going on with Sirius - his reading of Sirius’ feelings might not always be correct, but it does help him to start talking and realize what’s really going on. This time though, Remus is just there, waiting between his arms, breathing, his wing bones firm against Sirius’ chest.

“I…” Sirius trails off, and with shame, he feels a blush creeping in his cheeks. He sighs. “I don’t know. I want to fuck, is that a good enough response?” 

Remus sniggers and nuzzles into his neck again, and it feels like he’s nodding, but the next thing he does is disentangle himself from Sirius. 

“I want that too,” Remus says, with his shiny eyes and wonderful smirk, turning to look at Sirius over his shoulder while he walks. “But I want your full attention when we are at it, so, tea?”

Sirius nods and finally takes off his jacket. He can hear Remus busying himself in the kitchen, so he breathes deeply and starts talking loudly. It’s better if Remus is not looking at him - this way, he feels less like a failure.

“I think I have to quit,” he says while hanging up his jacket. He hears a soft clinking of the teacups on the counter that indicates that Remus might have been caught by surprise.

“Yeah?” comes the neutral response, and Sirius huffs as he starts collecting the cutlery scattered all over the living room with his hands instead of using his magic, just to busy himself with something.

“Yeah. I -” he stutters, and sighs. “I really hate it, Remus. I don’t think - I never thought - ugh,” he breaths in, trying to control the shaking of his hands. “I thought that if I was on the side of the _good guys_ , following the rules would be easy. I _thought_ I would get to do the right thing _always_ , instead…” he gets into their small kitchen, where Remus is resting against the counter, looking at him with understanding. Sirius feels naked under those eyes, so he looks resolutely into the sink, where he leaves the cups and plates and turns on the water to start washing.

“They keep making excuses, Moony. They make excuse after excuse to keep their fucking bigotry as the rule. And the more in I get, the harder it gets. I don’t want to,” he swallows, trying to keep the guilt at bay, “I don’t want to turn into one of them. And today… today I stood there, quietly, while some fucking assholes made werewolves jokes, just because they were _important people_ and my job was to guard them, not to give my _political opinion_ ,” he says, ashamed, and he almost lets a glass slip out of his hands when he feels Remus’ cold hand on his neck. Startled, Sirius leaves the glass on the sink and turns to look at him.

“It’s alright, Sirius,” Remus says, and there’s nothing more than honesty in those eyes. “I know you couldn’t do more, you don’t have to keep punishing yourself for it.”

Sirius shakes his head, but Remus pinches the back of his neck, moving his fingers then to the side of his face.

“Moreover,” Remus says softly, “I understand if you have to quit. And I understand how hard it should have been for you to come to this conclusion. I know it’s the first time something doesn’t go your way,” Remus says, and Sirius is so focused on avoiding his eyes that he doesn’t quite catch it at first.

“What?” he says with disbelief, before looking at the big smile that lights up Remus’ face. This is an old pretend-argument they have, where Remus jokingly argues that Sirius has always got things to go his way, even when he got disinherited, suffered from the estrangement of his brother, and lived a childhood of neglect and abuse. This is the way that Remus reminds him that he’s entitled to _hurt_. “Oh, fuck you,” Sirius says, before pulling Remus into a tight hug.

“Sorry, sorry,” Remus mutters against his neck while laughing. He sighs and calms himself down, and Sirius smiles relieved, feeling so much lighter. “Ah, but I do understand how hard it is to accept that the project you were putting all your hopes on is not what you expected,” he says softly, and his hand moves to Sirius’ nape, where he pushes softly. Sirius nods and kisses behind Remus’ ear. “And I understand how hard it is to recognize that the right thing to do _is_ to get out of there. And how that might feel like a failure.” He pauses for a second, letting things sink into Sirius’ mind. “I promise you it’s not, love. If you are doing it for the right reasons, there’s no failure in leaving something that makes you unhappy. Even more, after years that you’ve spent trying to change it. We’ll find other ways of fighting the world’s shite”

Sirius sniffs loudly and pushes his nose further into the crook of Remus’ neck. He nods again.

“If it helps,” Remus says after a while, when Sirius’ breathing goes back to normal. “We were all utterly surprised when you decided to go into the _Auror_ career path, of all of them. I don’t think anyone will be surprised that you quit. They won’t guess the right reasons, but still,” Remus says, and Sirius can’t avoid laughing.

“Yeah. They’ll think that I’m leaving because I can’t follow the rules, because I want to be in the line of fire all the time, and because I can’t spend time at a desk doing paperwork. Jokes’ on them, I actually love paperwork. It’s the f _ollowing stupid laws made to damage people and further discrimination_ part that I can’t do,” he says, and with a deep breath, he pulls back, grabbing Remus’ chin to kiss him. It’s almost just a brush of lips, but it’s _their kiss_ , the way they kissed for the first time, hiding behind the greenhouse, not sure if _this_ was allowed, if the other was going to jump back in the middle of it. Remus sighs in his mouth, as he did all those years ago, and pulls Sirius’ head closer, kissing him softly and deeply.

“What do you need, love?” Remus says again against his lips, and Sirius closes his eyes, resting their foreheads together.

“Mh, first, help me with my resignation letter,” and he can feel Remus nodding. “Then,” he takes a deep breath, “probably some patience? I’ll need to figure out what I want to do with my life now. In the meantime, some tea and sandwiches would be nice.” He smiles, because it might sound simple, but he knows Remus understands.

Remus laughs again and pulls away to grab the kettle and put the hot water into the cups.

“Tell you what,” he says, his eyes fixed on the cups. “You make the sandwiches and I’ll finish the dishes. Then we can see what to do with your letter,” he says, before adding a big, staged sigh. “And here I was, thinking that your answer would be something along the lines of _as long as I have you, I don’t need anything_.”

He’s not even finished before he’s laughing with all his heart, while Sirius gets bread and tomatoes out of the fridge. 

“Ew,” he says, laughing too, poking Remus’ waist with his finger, “I love you, mate, but that was so _cheap_ ,” he says, still pushing his finger in Remus’ side.

“Alright, alright, I’m sorry, I couldn’t stop myself!” Remus says, before turning and grabbing Sirius’ hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss it softly, while Sirius lets the sandwich ingredients fall onto the counter. “I love you too, _mate_ , you know?”

“I know,” Sirius says with a smile, coming back to kiss Remus softly on the forehead.

“I’m proud of you,” Remus continues, kissing Sirius’ hand again. “Now let’s get to those sandwiches, yeah? I was waiting for you to eat, and now I’m starving. We’ll come back to discuss _cheap pick up lines_ later, because if I remember correctly, you have used quite a number of them on me, Padfoot, so…”

“Well, I meant them at the time!” Sirius laughs, turning to start making the food, taking his wand out, this time. “Fuck off, Moony, you used to say _so many_ corny things too!”

“Oh, no, no, no, are you saying you don’t feel like _I’m the moon in your sky_ anymore? Do you mean I _don’t_ have _the only pair of eyes that can take your breath away, the only,_ mphf?!” Remus says, but he’s already laughing, muffled against the kitchen cloth that Sirius directed to his mouth with his wand.

“Alright, alright, just, let me make the food in peace for once, okay? I deserve a meal without mockery after the day I've had,” he says, but he’s also laughing. Remus snorts at that, but after using his wand to push the tablecloth away, he mutters an “alright, alright,” and leaves a kiss on Sirius’ cheek before turning back to do the dishes.

They work in silence for a few minutes, before Remus, idly, says, “Oh, by the way, we are invited to James' and Lily’s tomorrow. They have news.”

“Oh, what do you think it is?”

“Oh, I _know_ what it is. Lily is pregnant,” Remus says, like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

Sirius wand clatters on the floor.

“What?” he asks, turning fast on his heels. “And _now_ you tell me?” he says, leaving the kitchen in a rush, going to the Muggle telephone to call at the Potters, while at his back Remus’ laughter still resonates over the clatter of the dishes and the rumbling of the running water. “Where are your priorities, Moony?” he asks, smiling to himself. 

He breathes deeply, giving a second to himself to put order in his head. He knows it won’t be easy, but he knows he can do it. This doesn’t define him, he’s doing the right thing for himself. He has his friends on his side and he’ll figure things out at his own pace.

With one more deep breath, he picks up the phone and dials James’ number.


End file.
